WHO WILL WIN?
Chimpanzee
HOOT-PANT
Tapir
WHEE-SQUEAK
THE SETUP

Chimpanzee vs Tapir

Chimpanzee
Chimpanzee
Tapir
Tapir

Pretend a chimpanzee and a tapir meet in forest. Look at the facts. Then you pick.

Would they meet?

Yes. They could meet in the real wild. This page is still a what-if.

This is pretend and based on facts. Real animals usually hide or leave.

Read the facts. Make your card. The page waits to pick.

Corner A

Chimpanzee

Pan troglodytes · The tool-using cousin with a wild side.

Chimpanzee
Home
African rainforest · Lives in Africa
Food
Plants and meat
Group
Hunts with a pack
Size
Chimpanzee is medium.

Team hunters of monkeys plus a lot of fruit.

Face-readers.

Curious and political.

  • Chimpanzee is medium and fast.
  • Fruit first, plus insects, leaves, and sometimes meat.
  • Forest canopy and the ground beneath it — a two-story house.

Family: Humans, bonobos, gorillas.

Corner B

Tapir

Tapirus terrestris · A forest tank with a mini trunk.

Tapir
Home
South American rainforest · Lives in South America
Food
Plants
Group
Lives alone
Size
Tapir is big.

Browser with a mini-trunk.

Nose and hearing in thick green.

Shy tanklet.

  • Tapir is big and fast.
  • Leaves, fruit, and shoots.
  • Jungle near water.

Family: Horses and rhinos.

TO SCALE!

SIZE & WEIGHT

Stand them next to a grown-up. Who is bigger and heavier?

1.70 m

Grown-up

1.20 m

Chimpanzee to scale

Chimpanzee

1 m

Tapir to scale

Tapir

Height to scale. A grown-up is 1.7 m.

Chimpanzee50 kg

About as heavy as a fifth-grader who can do pull-ups forever.

Tapir250 kg

About as heavy as a pony, with a nose that does extra homework.

Chimpanzee

1.20 m · 50 kg

Chimpanzee is medium. 50 kg.

Tapir

1 m · 250 kg

Tapir is big. 250 kg.

Kilograms are honest. A small animal can still have a strong tool.

Who would you pick for size?

TOOLKIT!

TOOLS

Teeth, claws, horns, venom, kick — what tools do they have?

  • Weapon: Team tactics + ape bite
  • Armor: Think-fast reflexes
  • Senses: Face-readers.

Chimpanzee · labeled field diagram

  • Weapon: Charge plus chomp
  • Armor: Thick hide
  • Senses: Nose and hearing in thick green.

Tapir · labeled field diagram

Chimpanzee1300 psi bite
Tapir250 psi bite

Chimpanzee

Team tactics + ape bite

Tool: team tactics + ape bite. Bite: 1,300 psi.

Tapir

Charge plus chomp

Tool: charge plus chomp. Bite: 250 psi.

A bite number is only one tool. Coils and kicks count too.

Whose tools would you trust?

ZOOM!

SPEED

Who gets there first?

Chimpanzee
40 km/h
Tapir
48 km/h
Chimpanzee40 km/h
Tapir48 km/h

Chimpanzee

40 km/h

Chimpanzee can go 40 km/h. That is fast.

Tapir

48 km/h

Tapir can go 48 km/h. That is fast.

A fast animal can miss. A slow one only has to connect.

Who takes the speed card?

HOME MAP!

HOME

They meet in forest. Who is built for this place?

N. AmericaS. AmericaEuropeAfricaAsiaAustraliaAntarctica
ChimpanzeeTapirBoth

Meeting biome: forest. Colored land is where each animal actually lives.

Chimpanzee

This is home · Lives in Africa

Chimpanzee lives in places like forest.

Tapir

This is home · Lives in South America

Tapir lives in places like forest.

Yes. They could meet in the real wild. This page is still a what-if.

Who gets the home point?

MENU!

FOOD

How do they get lunch?

Chimpanzee
Plants and meat · Team hunters of monkeys plus a lot of fruit.
Tapir
Plants · Browser with a mini-trunk.

Chimpanzee

Plants and meat · Team hunters of monkeys plus a lot of fruit.

Fruit first, plus insects, leaves, and sometimes meat.

Tapir

Plants · Browser with a mini-trunk.

Leaves, fruit, and shoots.

A plant eater is not 'safe.' Hippos and elephants still end arguments.

Whose hunting or defending helps more?

MOOD!

MOOD

Alone vs team. This rumble is one vs one.

Chimpanzee
Hunts with a pack
Tapir
Lives alone
Chimpanzee8 grit /10
Tapir5 grit /10

Chimpanzee

Hunts with a pack

Curious and political. Grit: 8/10.

Tapir

Lives alone

Shy tanklet. Grit: 5/10.

Pack and pride animals lose their backup in a 1-v-1.

Who is better for a solo meeting?

PING!

BRAINS

Who notices first and thinks next?

Chimpanzee
10/10
Tapir
5/10
Chimpanzee10 brains /10
Tapir5 brains /10

Chimpanzee

10/10

Face-readers.

Tapir

5/10

Nose and hearing in thick green.

In the wild, brains often mean leave before it starts.

Who would you score for noticing?

COUSINS!

FAMILY

Who are they related to?

Chimpanzee
Pan troglodytes
Tapir
Tapirus terrestris

Chimpanzee

Pan troglodytes

Humans, bonobos, gorillas.

Tapir

Tapirus terrestris

Horses and rhinos.

Cousins are clues, not a score.

Not a fight point. Who has the wilder family story?

WILD CARD!

SPECIAL

What special move did they evolve?

Chimpanzee
Stick-and-Stone Strategy
Tapir
Snorkel Splash-Off

Chimpanzee

Stick-and-Stone Strategy

Wild chimps use tools: sticks for termites, stones for nuts, brains for everything else.

Tapir

Snorkel Splash-Off

The snout is a mini trunk.

A secret move here is a real wild tool, not a video-game combo.

Whose special move would change the meeting?

YOUR SCORECARD

Your scorecard

Tap who has each fact. Then tap who you think wins.

  • SIZE & WEIGHT

  • TOOLS

  • SPEED

  • HOME

  • FOOD

  • MOOD

  • BRAINS

  • SPECIAL

Your card: Chimpanzee 0 · Tapir 0 · still open 8

Who wins the meeting?

Keep going for the pretend meeting, then the science pick.

THWACK!

THEY MEET

Tapir runs first. Chimpanzee does not race. They wait in forest.

Pretend · fact-based · not a gore-fest

SLAM!

THE TOOLS SHOW UP

Tapir is heavier. Chimpanzee uses team tactics + ape bite. Nobody is keeping a gore score.

Pretend · fact-based · not a gore-fest

POW!

SPECIAL MOVES

Chimpanzee tries the Stick-and-Stone Strategy. Tapir tries the Snorkel Splash-Off. Keep your card. The last page is next.

Pretend · fact-based · not a gore-fest

THE SCIENCE PICK

Tapir!

A CLEAR PICK · UNDERDOG

You skipped a final pick. The facts still stamp a champ.

On forest, Tapir wins. Tapir is a lot heavier. Chimpanzee would still win some meetings at home.

In the wild, most animals skip a fight. We still judge who the bodies and the place would favor.

Science card: Chimpanzee 5 · Tapir 2 · ties 1.

Your card: Chimpanzee 0 · Tapir 0.

The last page follows the whole animal — body plus home — not one bar chart.

Send this fight

A friend can read the same facts.

Also starring · Chimpanzee

Zoo chimpanzee. Big brain. Bigger side-eye.

Wikimedia Commons · Tobu Zoo · CC. Source

1/17 · scroll